One Whole Year

Not even sure where the time has gone, but it most definitely feels like an entire years’ worth of life has happened. This blog has been the rose at every “rose and thorn” question I was asked this year. Both on my 30th birthday and welcoming 2022. Even though I stepped away, I spend time planning and thinking about what to share and knowing full well this will be on going relationship even when it is inconsistent. My first inclination is to share all the hardships from this past year and reflect on the (many) speed bumps. Granted you canContinue reading “One Whole Year”

Things Worth Sharing

Hello world, It’s been a while, hasn’t it? There has been so much going on lately and yet somehow when ever I write these posts they linger as drafts for far too long. I’m not sure where this new found stage fright has come from-but today feels like the right time to share some things. Firstly, Georgina passed away. Let’s just get this out of the way. If you haven’t had a chance to read my blog post dedicated to her specifically, I would encourage you to do so before reading any further. She died in June at 74 yearsContinue reading “Things Worth Sharing”

Hello From the Other Side

Well, as the title states, this is a hello from the other side. I’ve wanted to write a check in of sorts for a while, but the reality is that I’ve felt unwillingness to do so without “good news” to share. There is a lot that has been better-and that is definitely something. I mean-I have my teeth in still, so thats great. In terms of the teeth and the jaw things have been sailing smoothly since my last appointment. It is a strange time to be faced with adversity, while the whole population is currently still sorting through aContinue reading “Hello From the Other Side”

A Time of Reflection

What a whirlwind the past few months have been. It has been nothing short of painful and exhausting. Not only for me, but for those closest to me. As I sit here writing I can feel my thoughts spiralling and it’s hard to figure out exactly what to say and how to say it. Firstly, I wanted to begin with a thank you. A thank you hopefully big enough to encompass all the gratitude I have for those of you who have shown me so much acceptance, love, and support through out this time. It wasn’t easy to bare myContinue reading “A Time of Reflection”

A Slowly Closing Chapter

Well folks, it seems as though my new prosthetic may in fact be right around the corner. Let me bring you all up to speed. After our consultation with the surgeon, we finally got back in touch with the prosthetic dentist. That took way more time and confrontation then I would have hoped for-but in the spirit of staying focused on what’s ahead, I’ll leave the details out. We’re moving forward. We’re going to use the implants while we still have them and cross the looming bridge of failing implants when we come to it. We’re anticipating about 5-7 moreContinue reading “A Slowly Closing Chapter”

A Message From The Universe

This is long. Forewarning. I guess before I launch right into this, it’s important for me to clarify that I know that the art of Tarot and Tarot reading means a lot of different things to many people. My relationship with Tarot started when a deck was passed onto to me by a very important woman in my life. A role in which she played many different positions. She ended up becoming what I like to call a spiritual advisor. A Reiki practitioner, a spirit guide, healer, matriarch powerhouse, and over all genuinely kind soul. She introduced me to theContinue reading “A Message From The Universe”

Feeling Frozen

Have you ever looked around at the people who surround you and see an abundance of reasons to celebrate? So much positive momentum and good people deserving of good things, getting exactly just that? Sometimes I wish for something deeper then words to communicate celebration and support for all the amazing folks in my life doing great things. Even during a global pandemic I’ve seen so much life happen to so many people I love. The birth of my godson, my sisters marriage to her best friend, friends starting businesses and pursuing dreams and passions. New pets, new houses, newContinue reading “Feeling Frozen”

Invisible Disease

I’ve been experiencing what would be defined as “writer’s block”. It’s been hard to find the words, and the motivation during this very bleak and slow time. I’ve got another appointment with the surgeon on the 16th, but there has been so much stillness. I’m sure it’s likely amplified for me as I wait, wait and wait some more-but I’ve been here stuck in this difficult time left here to process this open wound. For now I am going to continue to wait and heal. Slowly and surely.  I’ve been talking with a lot of my close friends about theContinue reading “Invisible Disease”

A New Low

I never intended for this blog to take a dark turn. In fact there wasn’t much intention at all when I first started writing. It was a somewhat out of body experience the day it all just came pouring out of me. I’ve shared authentically, and felt virtually naked standing here, writing about my fears, pain, and self consciousness. There have been euphoric moments of solidarity and connection to new communities, and existing ones. Had I known this would have provided me with such an overwhelming sense of self worth and purpose; I would have started many years ago. ThatContinue reading “A New Low”

The Circle Game

I’ve long loved Joni Mitchell. She came to me at a very young age when I watched Practical Magic for the first time at a family friend’s cottage. I remember so vividly seeing Nicole Kidman sing A Case of You and feeling immediately entranced. Over the years I have found comfort in Joni, and I turn to her lyrics to find the words to describe some of life’s indescribable moments. I have processed some of my deepest feelings with her music in my ears.  Tonight, The Circle Game came on, a song I’ve listened to many times before-yet this timeContinue reading “The Circle Game”

Breakdown and Break Through

I’m having a rough day. I could feel irritability on the horizon for the past couple of days. Sometimes you feel it’s slow rise within similar to the need to pass an uncomfortable burp, or like a lingering headache that won’t get better-or worse. Just this dull annoyance floating behind your right eye. I’m wanting to be alone more often, I don’t feel like expressing my feelings. Even my favourite video game was frustrating me for no real reason at all. Today on the way to the new clinic in North York, I got lost. Luckily we left early enough,Continue reading “Breakdown and Break Through”

1 of 50,000

It is a loose estimate, but that is the most updated number representative of the amount of people affected with OI in North America. 50,000 out of 366,600,964. Over the past few posts we’ve veered away from my more immediate situation, mostly because it’s been a terrible phase of limbo with not much to report. My infection, which I’ve since learnt has a name; Peri-Implantitis *google at your own risk-super gross* isn’t any better. I brought myself to a walk in clinic as a last resort in between appointments because I knew something wasn’t right. My sinuses started aching, myContinue reading “1 of 50,000”

Georgina Marie Stokoe

My grandmother. My Mother’s Mother.  Where to begin. Georgina is the mother of three daughters. My mother being the eldest. Georgina has OI and was diagnosed with type II/III many years ago. I could only imagine what it was like being faced with a diagnosis of OI in the 50s or 60s because of how little they know about our disease even in the current day. Even with the medical advancements of today, Georgina is often left with major gaps in her health care.  My mother was the only recipient of OI out of Georgina’s three children, her type beingContinue reading “Georgina Marie Stokoe”

A Mushy Message

A bit of an uptick from my previous post, but I truly am floored. This blog has existed in different capacities for years. Many moons ago I was writing regularly on a Tumblr page that was never shared. For years journaling has been a much-loved tool of mine, so I always knew this day would come. It took a while to mull over the rough cuts with friends-but the isolation of 2020 ended up being the final motivator. The response from sharing this Blog has been nothing short of a dream come true. It’s not easy airing out your personalContinue reading “A Mushy Message”

Poisonous Positivity

So let me preface this blog post with the following heads up; I’m grumpy. Nothing is going according to plan. My infection wasn’t getting any better so I booked a follow up. It’s bad. The implant could be rejecting, there is talk of surgery. I’m going for a CT scan to either rule out or confirm bone grafting surgery is necessary. No end in sight. The infection is oozing a disgusting liquid you really don’t want hanging out in your mouth, and I truly have no idea when I’m going to get my teeth back. I went to work today.Continue reading “Poisonous Positivity”

Remembering 2009/2010

I’ve been thinking a lot about how time heals. The brain’s ability to cling to memory, and attach itself to specific details of a moment. The inability to pick and choose the thoughts that linger. Like my father, I’ve always identified as someone who has a very powerful memory. I have memories (not always crystal clear) from before I could even speak. Sometimes they are significant, and other times they feel like meaningless blips of time that for whatever reason have remained in the rotation of visuals that dance in the back of my mind. I like this part aboutContinue reading “Remembering 2009/2010”

The Dreaded Month of January

2021. Well at least that’s something. Day 17 without teeth. In lighter news, we completed our move as mentioned in the previous post. As I suspected, it’s been exactly what I needed. A positive thing to stay focused on and a glimmer of silver on my big grey cloud. I’ve still got a seemingly worse infection around my lower right implant. I’ve followed my directions eminently in hopes of guaranteeing the return of my beloved prosthetic teeth. I’m starting to feel really nervous that this will not be as quick of a fix that I was promised. In more loomingContinue reading “The Dreaded Month of January”

Christmas 2020

It’s laughable, truly. I mean in light of the very serious global pandemic, no one expected the holiday season to look or feel like it usually does. I just couldn’t help but dance in a small pity party that was my Christmas this year. It was spent toothless and uncomfortable. Constantly feeling guilty for watching my family eat soft and mushy food right along next to me instead of our more traditional choices for the holidays. We try to joke about it together, and that always helps. We’ve all been through a lot together and I try to honour thatContinue reading “Christmas 2020”

What’s Next

I’d be lying if I didn’t fully acknowledge the elephant in the room. I’m triggered. All this mouth mayhem has stirred up so much emotional baggage, and my inability to talk for extended periods without pain currently, has unintentionally forced me to take the plunge. Put the pen to paper metaphorically. Get the words out of me, and mentally heal along with my very sore lower jaw. The facts: this is day four without teeth: I’m in awe that I did this for more than a year when I was 18. I’m beyond the point of hanger that is fathomed.Continue reading “What’s Next”

A Not So Brief Introduction

Well, the inevitable has finally come to fruition. For a long time I found such comfort in reading the experiences of others as a way of coping with life. I remember the first time I felt a sense of connection in reading about a shared experience on a subreddit community, or when those in my life were brave enough to share their personal blog posts. You know there’s a lot to be said for those “wow, you get it” moments that immediately deflate your feelings of isolation that event based trauma can bring you. Well, I’ve wanted to give back.Continue reading “A Not So Brief Introduction”

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