2021. Well at least that’s something.
Day 17 without teeth.
In lighter news, we completed our move as mentioned in the previous post. As I suspected, it’s been exactly what I needed. A positive thing to stay focused on and a glimmer of silver on my big grey cloud.
I’ve still got a seemingly worse infection around my lower right implant. I’ve followed my directions eminently in hopes of guaranteeing the return of my beloved prosthetic teeth. I’m starting to feel really nervous that this will not be as quick of a fix that I was promised.
In more looming news; I’m going back to work. Honestly, if I had it my way I would not be. The reality is that for financial reasons I have to. Everyone says it will be good for my mental health to get back to routine and normalcy-but this step is bringing forth so many anxieties. Most of which feel like PTSD triggers, but in the spirit of honouring my experiences and reality-I think it’s okay to be scared. It’s a cruel world, especially to those of us that are different.
Will I get light headed at work because I won’t be comfortable eating there? Will my jaw hurt after talking too much to the customers? If I’m too non conversational will they think I’m rude? Will they know why I sound funny? Do my coworkers believe me? Have they googled OI to prove the validity of my story?
( a small glimpse into my anxious thoughts)
My logical brain knows most of these anxieties are hyper focused on my personal insecurities specifically rooted in appearance and wanting to “be like” everyone else. I wish that was enough to talk me down me, though. In the heat of the moment everything is amplified and the only place I’m comfortable is at home with my cats.
Can’t I just resurface when things are easy again?